Never Let a Bad Boss Win
I don’t like to acknowledge that there can be good things that come from a bad boss because my fear is that we’ll skip the nuance and take this as licentiousness, as if poor leadership weren’t the problem and fault just your attitude.
THAT feels a little “victim-blamey.” Now I know, I know all the grievances about the victim mentality. But here’s the thing:
Acknowledging harm doesn’t mean enabling helplessness.
We’re talking from two different angles here.
If you’re a leader: we can’t victim blame. There is no justification for poor leadership and any boons outlined in this article do not justify the means.
There are better ways to build resilience than the psychologically abusive settings.
If you’re suffering from a leader: we can’t let a bad boss win.
Harm from a Bad Boss
We call them a bad boss because they’re bad for you. If their actions weren’t harmful, we wouldn’t call them a bad boss.
They erode psychological safety, raising your baseline stress level so you feel constantly on alert and prone to overreact to the slightest provocation. NOT because you’re blowing it out of proportion, but because you’re operating your days with constant red-zone levels of stress.
Accepting the victim mentality
Their behaviour is wrong. I don’t even need to know what is happening, but I know that if you see yourself in the above paragraph then your leader is mismanaging. You do not need to feel that way in the workplace.
They are wrong. Listen now: they are wrong to treat you that way.
I find that one reason people get stuck in the victim mentality is the deep seeded need to be seen. To have someone acknowledge: you are not crazy. They are wrong.
Say that to yourself. Hold it close. Weep over it.
Moving on from the victim mentality
Ready to go? I know you have a million good reasons why you can’t do anything and they have all the power.
But look here: the opposite of victim mentality is initiative. A bad boss can ruin your whole life if you let him. But you don’t have to let him. Are you ready to learn how?
- Know your history
In my research, I’ve found that our workplace trauma echoes our previous traumas. The reason it hurts you so deeply, even if others say it isn’t that big of a deal, is because you were uniquely hurt there before. So, do your work of trauma healing. This will build your resilience.
- Check your inner voice
If you’re not careful, you can start to hear your bad boss’ voice inside your head, criticizing you. Pay attention. When you say unkind things to yourself, counter those thoughts with encouragement. “Ugh, I can’t believe I did that.” “I’m going to learn from this and do better next time.”
- Monitor your mental health
Know your coping strategies. How do you manage your stress in the moment it’s happening? How do you release your stress after the moment? How do you get back to a good mental place after work? Building these skills will build your capacity for your bad boss’s nonsense. So you can deal with them without letting them get in your head.
- Use this as an opportunity to grow as a professional
With a bad boss, you’re going to need highly refined skills of office politics, self-advocacy, and networking. How can they be helping you build those skills through intense levels of practice? - Plan the “Great Escape”
Resilience is one thing, but endurance is another. There’s only so long you can go on like this before you’ll fall back into helplessness again. What’s the exit strategy? Sometimes it’s waiting them out because you know they’re on the way out. Sometimes it’s up-leveling your skills so you can apply for a different role. Sometimes it’s just polishing up your resume.
It can be helpful to have a light at the end of the tunnel to keep you moving cyclically through the first 3 points.
Always remember you can always quit. It may be the choice you can make today or the 100% last resort, but I want you to know and believe: there are other ways to survive in this world without subjecting yourself to this treatment. Quitting may present another problem, I do understand that. But knowing that you can make that choice can protect you from helplessness. Treasure your choices.
Lessons Learned from a Bad Boss
There is nothing acceptable about the behavior of a bad boss. They are wrong to do that, but you don’t have to let them win. If you walk into this with the right mindset, you can learn:
- How to advocate for yourself
- How to analyze your own needs and get them met yourself
- How to separate your work from your sense of self so your boss doesn’t impact your identity
- What leadership strategies feel awful and prove ineffective? Why? What would be a better approach?
Remember: Never let a bad boss win.
